What If the Things You Were Told to Change Are Your Purpose

Someone told you that you were too much.

Too intense. Too sensitive. Too direct. Too generous. Too driven.

And the frustrating part wasn’t just that they said it.

It’s that somewhere along the way, you started to believe them.

So you tried to change. You caught your reactions before they showed. You held yourself back. You contained yourself in ways that felt completely unnatural.

And it still didn’t feel right.

Not because you failed at trying to change. But because you were never supposed to.

Here’s what nobody told you when you were getting all that feedback.

The people who said you were too much weren’t judging you objectively. They were judging you through their own lens. Their own wiring. Their own ING energy.

And that changes everything about what those words actually meant.

Every person moves through the world according to their ING energy. It’s their only reference point. So when they encounter someone wired differently, they don’t think “this person is different from me.” They think “this person is doing it wrong.”

Their ING energy is their entire standard. They expect you to function the way they function. To value what they value. To respond the way they would respond.

When you don’t, the judgment comes. Not always with cruelty. But it comes.

ING energy is the specific energy you were created with. The energy you were designed to move in and lead from. You were wired this way from day one. This isn’t something you developed over time or built through experience. It was there before anyone had a chance to tell you it was wrong.

There are seven ING types. perceive ING, serve ING, teach ING, encourage ING, give ING, lead ING, and mercy ING.

Every person has a core type. One that flows the strongest. And because of how your ING type shows up, someone at some point told you that you were too much because of it.

Let me show you what I mean.

perceive ING sees what other people miss. The detail nobody caught. The tension in the room nobody named. They’ve been called harsh. Confrontational. Too blunt.
serve ING is wired to help. It sees what needs to be done before anyone asks. They’ve been called a pushover. Too available.
teach ING can’t stop until something is fully understood. It breaks things down, goes deep, covers every angle. They’ve been called a know-it-all. Exhausting.
encourage ING sees your potential so strongly it can feel almost inconvenient. They’ve been called fake. Too cheerful. Unrealistic.
give ING finds real joy in generosity. Not to impress anyone. Just because that’s how they’re wired. They’ve been called a show-off. Told they’re trying to buy love.
lead ING sees what needs to happen and moves toward it. Already three steps ahead, ready to organize and build. They’ve been called bossy. Controlling. Too intense.
mercy ING feels what you feel before you say a word. Not sympathy. Something deeper. They’ve been called too sensitive. Dramatic. Weak.

Now here’s what I want you to understand about every single one of those labels.

The people who said those things weren’t lying. They genuinely experienced you that way. But they were experiencing you through their own ING type. And their ING type is not your ING type.

There’s something else worth naming here. Sometimes your ING type isn’t showing up at its best. Low mastery means you haven’t yet developed the skills to navigate your own wiring. When that happens, your ING energy can come out in ways that are hard to be around.

That’s not evidence that your ING type is wrong. That’s evidence that your ING type needs to be understood and developed. There’s a real difference between those two things.

The people around you couldn’t tell the difference because they didn’t have language for ING energy. They just knew you were different. So they called you the problem.

Here’s what actually happened.

You were born wired a specific way. Before anyone had an opinion about it. Before anyone told you it was too much. It was just yours.

And then life happened. People with different ING types came into your world: family, teachers, friends, coworkers, and strangers. And they experienced your wiring through their lens. They held you to their standard. Their version of how a person should show up.

You weren’t that. You couldn’t be that. You were never designed to be that.

But nobody told you that. So you did what most people do. You started trying to become their version of you instead of understanding your own.

The exhaustion you feel isn’t from being too much. It’s from spending years trying to be less.

What makes you too much for some people makes you exactly right for others. But you can’t get to exactly right while you’re still trying to be less.

The things you were told to change? They might be the exact things you were put here to do.

Not because everything about how you’ve shown up has been perfect. But because the core of how you’re wired was never the problem. The missing language was the problem.

That’s what ING energy gives you. Not a new description of yourself. A translation of something you’ve been living your whole life without being able to explain.

And when you finally have that language, something shifts. You stop trying to fix the thing that was never broken. You start understanding the thing that was always yours.

The free ING energy quiz is at ingtypes.com. It takes about five minutes. Your results go straight to your inbox.

Not another label. Not four letters to decode.

A translation. For something you’ve already been living.

Stephanie Mason is the founder of TSMI and author of 7 ING energy Types, available on Amazon. She created the 7 ING energy Types™ system after 35 years of working with people on identity and purpose.