You’ve Spent Your Whole Life Trying to Fit. It Has Never Worked.
You’ve gotten pretty good at reading the room.
You know when to turn it down. You know which version of yourself lands well with which people. And you’ve been doing this for so long, it doesn’t even feel like effort anymore. It just feels like how you move through the world.
But there are moments. Quiet ones. Usually when nobody’s watching. When something in you asks how much longer you’re going to keep doing this.
Because you have been doing this your whole life. Adjusting. Softening. Squeezing yourself into a version that doesn’t quite fit. Trying to show up in a way that doesn’t make people uncomfortable.
And it has never really worked.
Not because you haven’t tried hard enough. You have tried harder than most people will ever know. But no matter how much you adjust, there’s always someone who still finds you too much or not enough. Still looks at you like something about you needs to be corrected.
Here’s what I want you to understand about that.
They’re not lying about what they see. But they are wrong about what it means.
What’s Actually Happening
When someone tells you that you’re too much or not enough. They’re not comparing you against some objective standard of how a person is supposed to be. They’re comparing you against themselves. Against how they move through the world. Against what feels normal and right to them.
And for them, it is normal. It’s just how they’re wired.
The problem is they don’t know that. They think they’re seeing you clearly. They think they’re giving you accurate feedback. So when you show up differently, it doesn’t feel like a difference to them. It feels like a problem.
The person who told you that you were too intense wasn’t wrong that you’re intense. They were wrong that intensity is the problem. They were reading you through their own wiring and calling it a verdict.
The person who said you needed to slow down. Or speak up. Or stop taking everything so personally. They weren’t seeing something wrong in you. They were seeing something unfamiliar. And unfamiliar is uncomfortable. So they handed it back to you as a correction.
And you took it. Because they said it with such certainty. Because it came from people you trusted. Because after you heard it enough times, it started to sound like the truth.
But it was never the truth. It was just their lens.
One of These Is Going to Sound Like You
Some of you have always noticed things other people walk right past. The detail nobody caught. The tension in the room nobody wanted to name. You tried to turn it off. But you couldn’t stop seeing it. And you were told you were too critical. Too intense. That’s perceive ING energy. And it was never the problem.
Some of you have always moved toward people who needed something. Before they asked. Sometimes before they even knew they needed it. You tried to pull back. But something in you couldn’t leave a gap unfilled. And you were told you were too accommodating. Too focused on everyone else. That’s serve ING energy. And it was never weakness.
Some of you have always needed to fully understand something before you could move forward. You tried to decide faster. But you couldn’t let something go until it made sense. And you were told you were overthinking it. Too slow. Too complicated. That’s teach ING energy. And it was never a liability.
Some of you have always believed in people. Even when they didn’t believe in themselves. You tried to be more realistic. But you kept seeing what was possible even when nobody else could. And you were told you were too optimistic. Too naive. That’s encourage ING energy. And it was never foolishness.
Some of you have always given. Your time. Your energy. Your attention. You tried to hold back. But generosity was always your first instinct, even when you didn’t have enough yourself. And you were told people would take advantage. That’s give ING energy. And it was never a flaw.
Some of you have always seen what needed to happen before anyone else did. You tried to wait. You tried to let others lead. But you couldn’t stop seeing the path forward when everyone else was still figuring out there was a problem. And you were told you were too controlling. Too aggressive. That’s lead ING energy. And it was never arrogance.
Some of you have always felt what other people feel. Not just noticed it. Actually felt it. You tried to build walls. But other people’s pain kept landing in you like it was your own. And you were told you were too sensitive. Too emotional. That’s mercy ING energy. And it was never the problem.
One of those hit in your spirit differently than the others.
That’s not a coincidence. That’s recognition.
What ING energy Actually Is
What you just felt reading that list? That’s you recognizing ING energy inside of you.
Not a personality type. Not a test result. Not a category someone sorted you into.
ING energy is the specific energy you were created with. The way you were wired to move through the world before anyone had an opinion about it. Before anyone compared you against themselves and handed you a correction.
There are seven ING energy types. perceive ING, serve ING, teach ING, encourage ING, give ING, lead ING, and mercy ING. Every person is created with one that drives everything. How you think. How you love. How you work. How you show up before you’ve said a single word.
And here’s what I want you to sit with.
The thing you’ve been trying to change your whole life? It isn’t a flaw in your character. It isn’t evidence that something is wrong with you. It’s your ING type. And it was placed in you on purpose.
You were never supposed to fit their lens. You were never supposed to adjust yourself down to a version they could be comfortable with.
You were supposed to be exactly this.
The Exhaustion Has a Source
The exhaustion you feel isn’t from being too much. It’s from spending years trying to be less.
What you just felt when one of those descriptions landed in you, that wasn’t the end of something. That was the beginning. The beginning of understanding why you move through the world the way you do. And why you were never supposed to stop.
The free quiz gives you a starting point. But if what you read here hit you somewhere deeper, the book goes further.
7 ING energy Types includes an exclusive assessment you won’t find anywhere else. It walks you through not just your ING type, but why you think, love, and show up the way you do. Why certain things drain you. Why certain roles are so fulfilling and others feel uncomfortable.
The struggling stops when you finally have the language for something you’ve been living your whole life.
Get your copy of 7 ING energy Types on Amazon.
Your identity IS your purpose.™
It always has been.
Stephanie Mason is the author of 7 ING energy Types and the founder of TSMI. ING energy™, ING type™, perceive ING™, serve ING™, teach ING™, encourage ING™, give ING™, lead ING™, mercy ING™, and Your identity IS your purpose.™ are trademarks of TSMI™.