When the People Who Love You Still Don’t Get You
You already know the thing they tease you about.
Maybe it’s how you notice what’s slightly off in everything around you. Maybe it’s that you’d take care of someone else before it ever occurs to you to take care of yourself. Maybe it’s that you have to understand something completely before you can move forward. Maybe it’s that you keep believing in people even after they’ve stopped believing in themselves. Maybe it’s that you share more than most people think is necessary. Maybe it’s that you see the path through a problem before anyone else knows there is one. Maybe it’s that you feel what other people are feeling like it’s happening to you.
You can’t stop doing it. It’s just how you’re wired.
And the people in your life have had something to say about it for a long time.
The pain that’s hardest to name
This kind of friction is confusing specifically because it isn’t coming from strangers. It’s coming from the people who love you. Your family. Your friends. Your partner. The people who’ve been with you for years. When a stranger misreads you, you can shake it off. But when the people who know you best still don’t quite get you, that starts to feel like information about you. Like something is actually wrong.
So most people do the natural thing. They start managing themselves around the people they love. They learn which parts are welcome and which parts to keep quiet. They adjust. They soften. They show up as the version of themselves that keeps things smooth. That version gets accepted. Things go easier. But something is missing, because that version isn’t the whole person. Underneath all the adjusting, there’s still a part waiting to be fully seen.
That waiting is exhausting. And most of the people in your life have no idea you’re doing it.
What was actually happening all along
Here’s what years of living with that friction produces. You sit across from someone who has known you for decades and feel like a version of yourself. Not a stranger. Just not the whole thing. You’ve watched the thing that keeps surfacing land wrong enough times that you’ve stopped trying to explain it. You can’t explain what you don’t have language for.
The people who love you aren’t wrong about you. They’re seeing you through themselves. Through how they’re wired. And when you move through the world differently, the easiest thing for them to do is hand it back to you like it needs fixing.
But here’s what was actually happening.
The person who laughed at how you notice what’s wrong wasn’t seeing someone built to see what should be. They were seeing someone who made them feel like nothing they did was ever quite good enough. The person who told you to stop doing so much for everyone wasn’t seeing someone whose purpose moves toward every unmet need. They were seeing someone whose caring extends beyond them. The person who rolls their eyes when you explain something again wasn’t seeing a mind that can’t move until everyone understands. They were seeing someone who made them feel like they weren’t smart enough.
Their experience of you was never the truth of you.
The seven ING energy types
There are seven specific ways people are wired to move through the world. One of them is yours. When you encounter it, you recognize it. Not because it’s new. Because it’s been there your whole life.
The 7 ING energy Types™ system, developed by Stephanie Mason and detailed in her book 7 ING energy Types, identifies these seven types:
- perceive ING: You see what should be before anyone else does. They called it critical. It was your wiring, not a flaw.
- serve ING: You notice who needs help before they ask. They called it too much. It was your wiring, not a flaw.
- teach ING: You can’t move forward until everyone understands. They called it exhausting. It was your wiring, not a flaw.
- encourage ING: You see what’s possible before anyone believes it. They called it naive. It was your wiring, not a flaw.
- give ING: You always find a way to share what you have. They called it excessive. It was your wiring, not a flaw.
- lead ING: You already have a plan for the chaos. They called it bossy. It was your wiring, not a flaw.
- mercy ING: You feel other people’s pain like it’s your own. They called it a weakness. It was your wiring, not a flaw.
One of those just landed differently than the others. That’s not coincidence. That’s recognition.
What ING energy actually is
ING energy is not a personality label. It doesn’t put you in a box. It’s not another test that spits out a set of letters and tells you what career to choose. It’s the dynamic way your deepest self shows up in everything you do. It’s what drives your motivations, your instincts, how you love people, what drains you, and what lights you up.
ING energy was placed in you before anyone had opinions about it. Before anyone called it too much. Before you learned to manage it around the people you love. The things people have been teasing you about for years? Those aren’t flaws. Those are the most important things about you.
Knowing your ING type doesn’t just tell you something interesting. It tells you why certain things drain you and others feel completely effortless. It gives language to something you’ve been carrying without a name.
How to find your type
The free ING energy quiz at ingtypes.com takes under five minutes and reveals your likely ING type. Seven questions. Results delivered straight to your inbox.
For a higher-accuracy result, the book-exclusive assessment inside 7 ING energy Types is a refined diagnostic designed to confirm your type with greater precision. The book itself walks through each of the seven types in full, including how your type shows up in relationships, what drains you, what fulfills you, and how to move from simply knowing your type to actually living from it.
The system uses a Measure, Mastery, and Maturity approach. Simply knowing your type won’t automatically change how you feel. You move toward fulfillment when you use your ING energy to help others in healthy, mature ways. That’s the path from recognition to a life that actually fits.
The people who love you aren’t going anywhere
Neither are you. But now there’s a name for the thing they’ve been pointing at your whole life. And that name isn’t a flaw. It’s who you are. It’s also why you’re here.
Your identity IS your purpose. 🤞
Stephanie Mason is the author of 7 ING energy Types and the founder of TSMI. ING energy™, ING type™, perceive ING™, serve ING™, teach ING™, encourage ING™, give ING™, lead ING™, mercy ING™, and Your identity IS your purpose.™ are trademarks of TSMI™.