Why Your Boss’s Feedback Never Quite Lands (And What Their ING type Reveals)
You know the feeling. Your boss offers feedback that doesn’t quite fit what happened. Or praises something you didn’t think mattered at all.
You try to explain your side and somehow it doesn’t land. Maybe it’s not your boss. Maybe it’s a coach, a supervisor, anyone with authority over your work. Or maybe you’re the one standing in front of your own team, explaining exactly what you need, and they still don’t get it.
You say it again. It still doesn’t stick. You start to wonder if you’re the problem.
No one in this is the villain. Something is getting lost between you and the people you report to, or between you and the people who report to you. It’s not about who’s right. It’s about what’s getting lost.
The Habits You Didn’t Know You Had
If you’re the one being managed, you learned to filter what you say upward. You try to soften feedback before it reaches your boss. You try to stay quiet about the real problem instead of naming it. You nod along even when something feels off.
If you’re the one managing someone, you learned a different habit. You fill the gaps with assumptions instead of asking questions. You hand off the instruction and skip the why behind it. You read silence as agreement, because it’s easier than checking.
Both sides think they’re communicating well. Both are actually just protecting themselves.
What Your Boss’s ING type Reveals
You and your boss are showing up from different perspectives. You’re just missing the language for it.
That language is ING energy. Your boss has an ING energy type too, whether they’ve ever heard the term or not. Their ING type shapes what they notice, what they value, and how they manage you.
Everyone sees through their ING type, like a lens. That lens decides what your boss notices and what they prioritize. It also shapes how they communicate what they see. Your boss might see the whole picture and still struggle to get it across to you, simply because you have a different ING type than they do.
The Seven ING energy Types as Managers
Every ING type can manage from fear, or it can manage from love. Here’s what that looks like across all seven, in order.
perceive ING
As a manager, they see problems before anyone else does. They value honesty above almost everything else. From fear, they point out every flaw and rarely say what’s working. From love, they name problems early so the team can fix them together.
serve ING
As a manager, they notice what the team needs and quietly handle it. They value harmony and steady support. From fear, they do the hard work themselves instead of asking for help. From love, they make sure everyone has what they need to succeed.
teach ING
As a manager, they need everyone to understand the why behind a decision. They value accuracy above speed. From fear, they over explain and correct every small mistake. From love, they take the time to bring real understanding without talking down.
encourage ING
As a manager, they see potential in their team before anyone else does. They value hope and momentum. From fear, they avoid hard truths and call every problem a phase. From love, they hold hope and honesty together at the same time.
give ING
As a manager, they show up with resources, providing whatever the team needs. They value full effort and thoroughness. From fear, they keep score of everything they’ve provided and expect loyalty back. From love, they provide freely and trust the team to do their part.
lead ING
As a manager, they quickly see how to make things happen with their team. They value structure and momentum. From fear, they control every detail and struggle to trust anyone else with it. From love, they set clear direction and step back to let the team work.
mercy ING
As a manager, they feel the emotional pulse of everyone on the team. They value a connected team that works together. From fear, they avoid conflict and let real problems slide. From love, they hold people accountable with compassion.
One of those probably landed differently than the rest. That isn’t random. That’s recognition.
Fear or Love: The Choice That Shapes Every Team
Your boss’s ING type was never the problem. Whether they manage from fear or love was always their choice, not yours. Once you can see their ING type, you stop taking their management personally. You start understanding what’s actually driving it. That’s where trust becomes possible.
Now flip it. This same dynamic shows up somewhere else in your life too. Maybe with your kid. Maybe with a spouse. Maybe with a team you coach or lead. Whether you show up from fear or love in those moments is your choice.
You can’t force someone to trust you. But you can offer them something you didn’t have before. Language for how they’re wired.
Your situation changes. Your ING type doesn’t.
Stephanie Mason is the founder of TSMI and author of 7 ING energy Types. She created the ING energy™ system after 35 years of working with people on identity and purpose. Take the free ING energy quiz at ingtypes.com/ing-energy-quiz/