When the People Who Love You Still Don’t Get You
You know the thing they tease you about.
Maybe it’s the way you notice what’s not right with everything. Maybe it’s that you’d rather take care of someone else before you think about yourself. Maybe it’s that you have to understand something completely before you can move forward. Maybe it’s that you can’t stop believing in people even when they’ve stopped believing in themselves. Maybe it’s that you share more than most people think is necessary. Maybe it’s that you see the path through a problem before anyone else does. Maybe it’s that you feel what other people are feeling like it’s happening to you.
You can’t stop doing it. It just comes out. It’s how you’re wired.
And the people in your life have something to say about it.
Sometimes it’s gentle. A laugh. A running joke. The thing they bring up at dinner because it’s just so you. And you smile because you know they mean well.
But sometimes it’s sharper than that. Sometimes it lands less like a joke and more like a correction. Like something about you needs to be managed. Turned down. Explained away.
And whether it’s gentle or sharp, you’ve heard it so many times that you feel the sting every time someone signals that who you are is too much.
Here’s what I want you to stay for. What if the thing everyone keeps pointing at isn’t the problem they think it is? What if it’s actually the most important thing about you?
Why This Kind of Pain Is So Hard to Name
It’s not coming from people who don’t care about you. It’s coming from your family. Your friends. Your partner. The people who know you best and love you anyway.
And that’s exactly what makes it so confusing.
When a stranger gets you wrong, you can dismiss it. But when the people who have been with you for years still don’t quite get you, that’s harder to shake. That starts to feel like information.
So you do what most people do. You start managing yourself around them. You learn which parts of you they accept and which parts you should probably keep to yourself. You get good at reading the room even in your own home. You try to adjust. You try to soften. You try to show up as the version of you that keeps things easy.
And they love that version. Things go smoothly. Nobody has to navigate anything uncomfortable.
But you know something is missing.
Because that version of you isn’t the whole you. And somewhere underneath the managing and the adjusting, you’re still waiting for that part of you to be embraced, too. That waiting is exhausting. And most people have no idea you’re doing it.
You sit across from people who have known you for years, even decades, and feel like a version of yourself. Not a stranger. Just not the whole thing.
You don’t even fully understand what keeps slipping out. You just know that something does. It surfaces before you can catch it. It comes out in how you respond to things. In what you notice. In what you can’t let go of. In the way you love people. In ways they don’t always know what to do with.
And you’ve watched it land wrong enough times that you’ve stopped trying to explain it. Because you can’t explain what you don’t have language for. You just know it’s there. And you know they feel it too.
So you learn to live with that friction. Careful enough to keep the peace. But carrying something underneath that has never quite had a name.
What the People Who Love You Were Actually Seeing
It’s not that the people who love you are wrong about you. It’s that they’re seeing you through themselves. Through how they’re wired. And when you move through the world differently than they do, the easiest thing for them to do is call it a quirk. Call it too much. Say it with a laugh or an edge and hand it back to you like it needs to be fixed.
Here’s the part nobody says out loud.
The person who laughs at how you notice what’s wrong wasn’t seeing someone built to see what should be. They were seeing someone who made them feel like nothing they did was ever quite good enough.
The person who told you to stop doing so much for everyone wasn’t seeing someone whose purpose moves toward every unmet need. They were seeing someone whose caring flows beyond them to everyone else.
The person who rolls their eyes when you explain something again wasn’t seeing someone who can’t move forward until everyone understands. They were seeing someone who made them feel like they weren’t smart enough.
The person who calls you naïve for still believing in people wasn’t seeing someone wired to see what is still possible. They were seeing someone whose hope made their own cynicism feel like a choice.
The person who tells you that you share too much wasn’t seeing someone whose first instinct is always an open hand. They were seeing someone whose generosity exposed how stingy they are.
The person who says you always have to take charge wasn’t seeing someone who can already see how to straighten out chaos. They were seeing someone who made them feel unnecessary.
The person who tells you that you feel too much wasn’t seeing someone whose presence is the reason others feel safe. They were seeing someone whose emotional depth made them uncomfortable with the lack of theirs.
Their experience of you was never the truth of you.
They were reading you through their own wiring. What felt like too much to them was never a flaw in you. It was just unfamiliar. And unfamiliar made them uncomfortable enough to hand it back to you as something that needed to change.
It doesn’t need to change. It needs to be understood.
The Recognition
There are seven specific ways people are wired to move through the world. One of them is yours. When you hear it, you’ll recognize it not because it’s new, but because it’s been there your whole life.
Some of you notice what’s not right with everything. You don’t mean to sound negative. You just see what others miss. The people around you call it criticism. But it was never a flaw. It’s how you were wired.
Some of you can’t stop taking care of people. You don’t always know how to say no. Caring is just how you move through the world. The people around you call it too much. But it was never a flaw. It’s how you were wired.
Some of you have to understand something completely before you can move forward. You try not to overthink everything. Your mind just needs the full picture first. The people around you call it exhausting. But it was never a flaw. It’s how you were wired.
Some of you can’t stop believing in others even when they’ve stopped believing in themselves. You’re not trying to be unrealistic. That belief just rises up on its own. The people around you call it naïve. But it was never a flaw. It’s how you were wired.
Some of you share more than most people think is necessary. You don’t always know when to stop. It’s just how you’re wired to love. The people around you call it excessive. But it was never a flaw. It’s how you were wired.
Some of you walk into a problem and immediately see the path through it. You’re not trying to take over. You just can’t help seeing exactly how to move things forward. The people around you call it bossy. But it was never a flaw. It’s how you were wired.
Some of you feel what other people are feeling like it’s happening to you. You’re not trying to make everything about you. You just can’t turn it off. The people around you call it a weakness. But it was never a flaw. It’s how you were wired.
One of those just echoed in your spirit differently than the others. That wasn’t coincidence. That was recognition. And recognition is where change begins.
What Your ING energy Type™ Actually Is
Most people have never heard this named without an apology attached. So let me introduce you to ING energy™ — the specific energy you were created with and designed to lead from.
There are seven ING energy types:
- perceive ING™ — You see what should be before anyone else does.
- serve ING™ — You notice who needs help before they ask.
- teach ING™ — You can’t move forward until everyone understands.
- encourage ING™ — You see what’s possible before anyone else believes it.
- give ING™ — You always find a way to share what you have.
- lead ING™ — You already have a plan for the chaos.
- mercy ING™ — You feel other people’s pain like it’s your own.
Knowing which one is yours isn’t just interesting. It’s the beginning of understanding why you do what you do. Why certain things drain you. Why certain things feel effortless. Why the people who love you still sometimes get you wrong.
You don’t choose your ING type™. It was placed in you before anyone had an opinion about it. Before anyone called it too much. Before you learned to manage it around the people who love you.
It was always who you are. And it was always worth being known.
What Happens When You Finally Have the Language
I’ve spent decades watching people try to figure out why the people they love still don’t quite get them. And I’ve watched the moment they realize it was about understanding themselves first.
That moment is always quiet.
It’s not a big celebration or announcement. It’s relief. The slow exhale of realizing how you were created wasn’t wrong.
Because what you find when you finally have language for your ING type™ isn’t something new. It’s something you’ve always known. It was there before the teasing started. Before the corrections came. Before you learned to manage yourself around the people you love most.
When you have language for how you’re wired, something shifts. You stop guessing why you are the way you are. You start seeing where your ING energy type™ was always meant to go. How it fits. How it serves. And what it was made for.
That’s the difference between a life with fulfillment and a life still looking for it.
The people who love you aren’t going anywhere. And neither are you. But now you have something you didn’t have before. You have a name for it.
Your identity IS your purpose.™ And it always has been.
Do You Know Your ING Type?
Most people don’t yet. Take My Free ING Energy Quiz — it takes about five minutes, and your results go straight to your inbox. Not another label. Not four letters to decode. A translation for something you’ve already been living.
Stephanie Mason is the author of 7 ING energy Types and the founder of TSMI. ING energy™, ING type™, perceive ING™, serve ING™, teach ING™, encourage ING™, give ING™, lead ING™, mercy ING™, and Your identity IS your purpose.™ are trademarks of TSMI™.